DEAR MARILLA

Dear Marilla,

These issues always vex me. When B was pregnant with Scout, I made sure I didn't get my hopes pinned either way as to what sex the baby was. In some ways I was looking forward to having a girl, with the high ideals of helping raise a girl who would become a capable woman who rejects the social norms dictated by patriarchy and is able to help change the status quo (and yes, I know, ideals and the realities of parenting don't always match up). But to be entirely honest with you, when we found out Scout was a boy I thought "well, I guess that makes dealing with gender issues easier for me".

This is a sad truth. While raising a boy still means I have the responsibility to raise him to recognise patriarchy and gender inequality, all I have to do is to teach him how to not be a misogynist prick. Whereas dealing with gender issues whilst raising a girl would be a constant challenge. The difficulty level of being a girl in this world is much higher than that of a boy when it comes to the settings in the game called Life. I know that almost every woman/girl is likely to experience sexual abuse in one form or another. That thought enrages and worries me. As you have said previously: the sad reality is that we can't protect our kids from these things entirely, all we can do is provide them with the right tools to deal with them. It's a sobering thought.

As you said in your first missive: while these worries are ever present, we do have hope. We have the knowledge and power to raise our kids (both boy and girl) to be conscious of gender and the way it plays out in our society. I am a believer in the notion that the (so far) four kids we have added to society will go on to be four positive additions to a society that has a long way to go before being anywhere near the place it could be.

Love,
Atticus